


Dysmorphia

by Maige



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Existentialism, Feelings of emptiness, Gen, Happy Ending, Organization XIII (Kingdom Hearts), clock tower trio, identity crisis kinda, slight themes of body image issues if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29703762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maige/pseuds/Maige
Summary: The point of view of one who is nothing.
Relationships: Axel & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Axel & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 4





	Dysmorphia

The form of her visage was uncertain, countours blurred and so ever shifting. A brand new person to every eye that took her in, a funhouse mirror that molded and changed with each movement, reflective surfaces that showed nothing cohesive. Surrounded by Nobodies, but feeling much more so; she had been created out of the memories of one who truly existed, but this fact didn't do much to make her feel anything. He was not actually her, she was not actually him. 

She took to observation, to draw back the lingering and momentous sensation of nothing, and noted much. 

There were the empty, white, and endless walls of the castle filled with faces of the supposedly heartless that loomed over her and her drawn hood and the largening moon outside and all that felt of emptiness. 

But then, there was the leather of the gloves pressed coldly around her hands, as they wound around the slowly revealed popsicle stick, a minute desire to eventually see the gradual  _ W _ stained into the wood. Frigid, delicious, ice cream, passing either quickly down her throat or rolling down her fingers in clumps when her mind wandered from food, falling hundreds and hundreds of feet to the stairs to the clock tower below. 

In front of her was the present twilight, streaks of colour scored across the sky, and every now and then she could view the tram making its rounds. Behind her the grand structure she sat upon _ ticked ticked ticked  _ away in giant, monotonous rounds. 

And on her sides, two who shared the treats and laughed and pushed each other jovially and put their hands on her shoulders in a friendly manner, talking excitedly all the while. 

The tear drops stamped over Axel’s face moved and crinkled as he spoke, and she wondered why he had them. In the sunset his eyes were brilliantly glaring, specks of multi-coloured green surrounded by the shock of red. 

Roxas too was noted, the stark blue hidden under sandy eyelashes as he lowered his gaze to their daily ice cream. The spiky strands brushing over his forehead reminded her of the beach she had never personally, as herself, seen, and he often sat a bit hunched, unconciously, as if still uncertain of himself. 

This scene brought a warmth, enough to fill, and enough to - momentarily - stamp out the impending guilt of what was to come. It would not last long, she was well aware of this, but it was nice. A moment of unbridled joy, allowed herself to sink without shame into her own happiness as she ran her hands fondly over the seashells Roxas had placed neatly on her bed, turning them over and over on her palm to imprint their shapes and colours into her memory. 

It softened the idea of her non-existence, as crushing as it was. More lonely, more  _ empty  _ than anything else she had felt. A void of black that stretched onto time, overwhelming, the persistent knowledge that she wasn’t even a scant thought in those who she had come to love, deep in a dream. Nothing to observe, stuck with only her own mind and awaiting for when she would be used again, strung up once more as a puppet.

She could only wait and mull. 

And mull. 

And mull.

And mull.

And mull.

And mull.

And the gnawing nothingness grew, even as she was pulled from the depths. More than a Nobody, hood drawn, a face that was apt to morph in accordance to whatever anyone wished for. 

It was a voice, familiar, that tugged at the frayed edge of her emptiness. And a face, sand, sea salt, a promise to walk across the shoreline, so strong she could feel the cool water washing across her.

A pair of arms wrapped around her, one so large that it swamped both her and Roxas. Gloved hands wiped away the onslaught of tears, blurring her vision, and despite that she noted how Axel no longer had those tattoos, although he was just as misty eyed as her, and Roxas held himself with such an air of confidence. Such fondness and delight from both, and their embrace was scalding, as if she was being hugged by the sun. 

Xion took hold of the two just as tightly, and basked in it all; the feeling of purpose, of being a cohesive form. Axel’s coat brushed across one cheek, Roxas’ hair against the other as he huddled his head against hers, and as she breathed and laughed and cried and felt such simple but wonderful delight alongside them, she was so wonderfully _ whole _ . 

**Author's Note:**

> i've been thinking way too much about emotional aspects in kingdom hearts lately hhhhh  
> All the nobodies having their identity crisis', Xion out here going into hyperdrive mode 
> 
> kudos and comments are always v e r y appreciated! u can catch me on tumblr at paopujuicebox


End file.
